In our modern day, it's easy to feel lost in the world of romantic and sexual relationships. The increasing popularity of online dating sites brings with it the ability to sort through thousands of possible partners in a short time. With so many potential matches at our fingertips, being picky about who we're interested in is easier than ever. The sexual selection theory tells us that we all have inherent evolutionary traits that help us decide who we find attractive. Women may prefer stronger partners, ones they know can care for and provide for them, whereas men may prefer physically attractive, fertile, young partners. Let's explore sexual relationships further.
- We will first explore the meaning of a sexual relationship in the context of psychology.
- Next, we will talk about the sexual selection theory.
- We will then discuss the types of sexual relationships within the realm of psychology, defining intrasexual and intersexual selection.
- Then, we will talk about the steps in a relationship sexually, focusing on psychological theories behind self-disclosure, the role of physical attractiveness, and Filter Theory.
- Finally, we will discuss an example of an intimate relationship.
Fig. 1 - Sexual relationships involve physical intimacy between individuals.
Sexual Relationship Meaning
When a male penguin falls in love, it searches the beach to find the perfect pebble to present to the female it hopes to attract. It seems that choosing a partner is a natural part of life for animals as well as humans. But what does a sexual relationship entail? Why are we inclined towards forming a bond with someone we then consider our significant other?
A sexual relationship, also known as an intimate relationship, is characterised by physical or emotional intimacy between two individuals.
While intimacy is commonly linked with sexual relationships, it can be of different kinds and manifest itself in relationships which have no sexual attraction, i.e., friends and family. We'll focus on intimate relationships with sexual attraction.
Sexual Selection Theory: Evolution
It might be an unconscious process, but you may find that you are choosing your partner based on whether or not they possess the characteristics that are beneficial to survival and aid reproductive success, all of which are passed on through genes.
The sexual selection theory is an evolutionary explanation for why we choose our sexual partners.
The evolutionary explanation suggests that features that are attractive to the opposite sex are developed and passed on, so we will choose our partners accordingly.
We know that development takes place over time, so it is safe to say that the qualities we have today are not necessarily the qualities our ancestors had; they have been developed over the course of many years and have now adapted to be the ones most important to us.
Men, for instance, have been found to prefer younger, attractive women with a low waist-to-hip ratio (WHR). This could be related to the WHR found in women over child-bearing age and under child-bearing age (where it tends to be higher), with low WHR indicating optimal fertility times.
In animals, it may manifest differently.
Male peacocks have developed vibrant, patterned feathers to attract females through evolution. Those with the prettiest feathers increase their chances of securing a mate and producing offspring.
If there is such a great amount of vulnerability here, then how have peacocks survived for so many years? Through the theory of sexual selection.
Types of Sexual Relationships
While we broadly know what the sexual selection theory entails, there are two types we are mainly concerned with:
- Intrasexual selection
- Intersexual selection
Intrasexual Selection
Men and women are picky when it comes to selecting a mate. However, women are often pickier because of the time they have to invest in the process of reproduction. Due to the pickiness of the female, males are constantly competing to be chosen as the one who gets to mate with a certain female.
Intrasexual selection occurs when members of one sex compete against each other to get the chance to mate with a member of the opposite sex.
Often, the competition that takes place between males is done to show how physically strong they are, giving off the impression to the female that they will be taken care of, should anything happen. It's a form of security that most females wish to have. Thus, intrasexual selection often results in aggressive displays of behaviour.
Intrasexual selection is the preferred mating strategy for males.
Interestingly, Pollet and Nettle (2009) found a correlation between reported female orgasms in Chinese women and the characteristics of their partner's wealth levels.
- They collected data from 1534 women overall, using a survey and additional privacy measures to acquire their data.
They found that women reported more orgasms the higher their partner's wage was and suggested there was an evolved, adaptive function to the female orgasm. They suggested the most desirable mates, i.e., those who were the most financially secure, cause women to experience more orgasms.
Intersexual Selection
Intersexual selection has the female play a more active role in mate selection.
Intersexual selection occurs when females select their partners based on their characteristics, playing a more active role.
Intersexual selection is different to intrasexual selection because there is no sense of competition here. It is purely based on attraction to the characteristics of the individual.
Let's take it back to the example of peacocks for a second. We know that female peacock, or peahens, are attracted to the brightly coloured feathers of the male. And we've also discussed how having these colourful feathers makes them vulnerable to predators.
But one question that remains unanswered is how they still exist in abundance. And this is due to intersexual selection - the amount of times peacocks and peahens mate with one another, simply due to the attraction the females have to the male's feathers, is immense. This leads to these characteristics being passed down, thereby continuing the mating process, despite the vulnerabilities leading to predation.
The benefits outweigh the cons.
Females tend to spend more time identifying if the characteristics of the opposite sex are genuinely important to them, as they have a lot more to take into account - their age, the time it takes to carry a child, etc. This is why intersexual selection is their preferred strategy.
Steps in a Relationship Sexually
There are numerous steps when it comes to choosing our partners, and many psychologists have developed theories to explain this. Let's briefly discuss some steps below.
Self-Disclosure
Self-disclosure states that we become attracted to partners by sharing personal information with them. This is especially the case if both parties share personal information equally.
Altman and Taylor (1973) developed the Social Penetration Theory, which states that there is a gradual sharing of information between partners over time, increasing in depth, creating the basis for a deep partnership.
Physical Attractiveness
According to Charles Darwin, attraction is a key part of sexual and romantic relationships. The theory of attraction is linked to the evolutionary theory. It suggests that features generally considered attractive, such as facial symmetry, fitness, etc., are often signs of fertility and health.
Walster et al. (1966) suggested that people choose romantic partners if they have a similar level of physical attractiveness to themselves, known as the Matching Hypothesis.
Dion et al. (1972) found that physically attractive people were also rated highly on positive personality traits such as kindness.
The Filter Theory
Kerckhoff and Davis (1962) suggested several factors or 'filters' people use when choosing a partner.
The first filter included sociodemographic characteristics such as physical proximity, education, and class.
A second filter, similarity of attitudes, suggests that people considered those who shared their core values more attractive.
A third filter, complementarity, states that each partner should display characteristics or skills the other lacks or needs, complementing one another.
Intimate Relationship Example
Often, when you think of the word 'intimacy', you might relate it to sexual behaviour. However, that is not necessarily the case. A relationship can have varying levels of intimacy, and it is possible to have more of one and less of another; it doesn't make your relationship weaker or stronger than someone else's.
Let's discuss these by way of an example. But first, what really is intimacy?
Intimacy is when you feel close and connected to another person.
Fig. 2 - Intimacy in relationships can develop in multiple ways.
Now, how can intimacy occur in a relationship?
- In an intimate relationship, physical touch is often an important aspect. Using cuddles, hugs, kisses and sexual intercourse all contribute towards physical intimacy.
- Another important aspect of an intimate relationship is sharing one's thoughts, feelings and emotions. When you tell someone your deepest secrets, fears and worries, and they accept and understand these, you are experiencing emotional intimacy.
- Sharing your beliefs and opinions is a form of intellectual intimacy and only strengthens your bond with each other.
There are various ways that different types of intimacy can be cultivated.
Sexual Relationships - Key takeaways
- A sexual relationship, also known as an intimate relationship, is characterised by physical or emotional intimacy between two individuals.
- The sexual selection theory is an evolutionary explanation for why we choose our partners. There are two main types of sexual selection: intrasexual selection and intersexual selection.
- Intrasexual selection occurs when members of one sex compete against each other to get the chance to mate with a member of the opposite sex. Intersexual selection occurs when females select their partners based on their characteristics, playing a more active role.
- Various theories discuss the different steps in a relationship, including theories on self-disclosure, physical attractiveness, and the filter theory.
- Intimacy is when you feel close and connected to another person, and can develop and manifest within relationships in a number of different ways.
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